Tuesday, 25 March 2014

To AA or not to AA

I've been encouraged to rejoin the Rooms by my old recovery friends. It's understandable since it helped me get and stay sober for a period of time during which I was floating about on the proverbial pink fluffy cloud only to slowly fade out of the recovery community and into the drinking one. And yes, it undeniably works for some people but I'm very apprehensive to go back in there. I don't like the person I became; an obnoxious, self-congratulatory, know-it-all prick. I don't regret it because it taught me a lot and it served its purpose at the time. But do I risk going back and turn into an insufferable egomaniac again? The other problem on my mind is the smallness of this town and my changed circumstances. Last time around I lived in at work and the boss and my colleagues were all aware of what I was going through and very supportive. There was no need to hide the fact that I was attending meetings. It was encouraged, in fact. Now I have a new job and I was only last week promoted. I don't know the bosses or the staff very well and wouldn't have a clue how they'd react if they found out I attended meetings. Yes, AA is anonymous, but in a small town like this nothing is ever anonymous. In that respect I really miss cities.

So if this is a pro and con list I guess the cons outweigh the pros. So for now I'm going to enjoy my new job and new sobriety for as long as it lasts and not dwell on the past or the what-ifs. Here's to day 7!

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