Today I thought I'd stay off the wine for as long as I possibly could to observe the withdrawal symptoms. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. At first all that happened was that I felt that I had a lot of energy towards the afternoon. Later on my heart rate went through the roof, or that's what it felt like. I was sweating and feeling nervous. I told myself to be strong and wait at least until I'd finished work about 8.30pm. I managed to do that but could not wait for that first glass of wine even though I didn't really fancy it. Or.. my mind didn't want it but my brain certainly did.
I had a memory from my teenage days come back to me today. I always say that I didn't drink before legal age but I did have an episode where I went to a party at the age of 16 (or 17) and decided it was time for a good drink. I wasn't a drinker and didn't know my limits at all. I bought a half bottle of voda and a bottle of Sprite to mix it with. I found a third bottle of water that I emptied and mixed the Sprite and vodka almost half and half. I remember it tasting awful. As we were underage we went up the woods and drank some out of sight. It was a struggle but as I worked myself through the bottle it got easier. I had soon finished it but it hadn't hit me yet. We went to a house party and I was soon so wrecked I was crying and making a complete fool of myself. I don't remember much after that but I have a vauge memory of being laid down in a room upstairs to sleep it all off. At some point I woke up and there was someone trying to get my trousers off and I remember somebody else telling this person to leave me alone, then I passed out again. I'm pretty sure I didn't think of that incident for a long time. I can't even remember if I suffered from a hangover the next day. But that foggy memory of someone trying to get my trousers off as I lay there passed out came back to me years later and it is something that I remember every now and again. I never used to dwell on it, but now I think I should remember it as the first time I put myself in real danger through drinking.