I got a phone call today from Turning Point to say that I can come in tomorrow morning to start my assessment for treatment. I'm nervous, excited... Feel ready but not at the same time. I've been waiting for that phone call for what feels like forever and it almost feels a bit surreal that it's actually happening. I'm scared but hopeful.
I haven't really thought much about the possibility for a relapse. It feels like spending time thinking about that will stop me from concentrating on the here and now. This is my first time for treatment and I have no idea what to expect. I have read so many blogs and articles about alcohol recovery it feels like I know it all. I might know a lot about other people's experiences but we are all different and I just can't even begin to imagine how this is going to turn out for me personally. Obviously the plan is to get sober and get my life back but from what I can gather, it's rarely that straightforward! I have yet to come across a story where the alcoholic managed to stay sober from the first attempt and that scares me. My way of thinking hasn't really adjusted to this situation and maybe I need to meet other people in the same situation to better understand what's going on.
There are three AA meetings in this town, but as a bar manager I feel reluctant to attend these as I’m sure I’ll run in to a few locals that I know. Maybe this is the wrong way to think and perhaps I would benefit from being more public about what I’m going through. As you can probably tell, my head is a mess and the confusion is exhausting. All these questions and fears! I’m so lucky to have an understanding boss and a very forgiving partner, also my close friends know what’s going on and they are all very supportive.