Monday, 8 August 2011

2 Months

Yesterday was my two-month birthday and it made me think back over the past weeks of sobriety. It feels like it's been a lot longer than two months. Six months would have made more sense. This might be because I've been able to do so much more than I would have in two months of active alcoholism. In fact, I don't think I would have been able to do as much in a year as I've done in the past two months. It fills me with gratitude and an overwhelming sense of having made the right choice; to ask for help and get sober.

My journey so far has been simple but not easy, if that makes any sense. It's been simple in the sense that I've followed a simple program - go to meetings, don't pick up a drink, one day at the time. It's been hard to experience emotions at full speed without the crutch that was alcohol every time there was some emotional turmoil or conflict. It's been (selfishly) hard dealing with other people's addictions and other "short-comings" while dealing with my own. I've had to look at myself - my actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings in a new light (as opposed to no light at all). I am utterly crap at looking at myself. I'm getting better through step work but jeeez... I just want to curl up under a duvet and hide!

On the whole I'm enjoying the process of getting to know myself regardless of the uncomfortable truths that keep surfacing. I am sober today and nothing else really matters. Thank You God(s).


  1. Great going Anath,
    Isn't it amazing how productive you are when you have two hands free, instead of one cradling a drink? I have been so busy I have finally got 10 chickens, built a chicken house and all that and now have to pop out each morning and night to let them out/in. Is great exercise, plus great for being in the moment with nature.
    Evenings are so much more productive - I have re-joined the library, cleared a four year old $26 dollar overdue debt(!) and am reading plenty of books.
    So yeah, my wife said last night as I put our daughter to bed that I would try and pick her up without waking her when I was drunk (just 111 days ago) and as I walked along the hall I would bang her head against the door frame and wake her up... How sad. So everyone is getting more from me and I feel much better for it.

  2. Omg I relate to everything you wrote! It is simple, but not easy. It is enjoyable, but filled with suffering. And if I hadn't been sober over the past 2 1/2 years, there is no way I would have accomplished anything at all. Actually, forget accomplishments - at this point, I wouldn't have been functioning on the most basic level.

    And I love getting to know myself. There are so many layers of illusion that were created and sustained by the romantic lens of my alcoholism (it really was romantic - wine was the greatest love of my life - crazy, no?!). Even though it's terrifying at times, the "uncovering" process is mostly very liberating. I love sobriety, even in my most overwhelmed moments (and there are many).

    Thanks for your post ~ have a blissful, sober day....

  3. Congrads!!! Keep doing what you are doing and things will only get better. At times it may not be easy but life is so much better sober.