Ever since I was a young teenager I was involved in sports and fitness. As I approached my twenties I was very fit and managed to keep it that way for a couple of years. Through university I got a bit lazy, largely due to boozing and smoking but even then I had periods in which I would force myself to go out running or go to the gym. Towards my mid to late twenties I found myself boozing more than anything else, really. I quickly got very unfit and every time I embarked on a fitness regime it only ever lasted for a week, maybe two. Every time I went back to the gym I had to start all over again. It's enough to suck all motivation out of you. Towards the end it became a health hazard to even venture out for a walk up the High Street. In sobriety, however, I find myself embracing what comes naturally to me and what has always been a part of my life, something I love doing. I now swim and/or go the gym almost every day of the week and I absolutely love it! I might have swapped one obsession for another but I really don't give a toss. I love it, it keeps me fit and energetic and I can now wear my tiny size 10 (UK) Lee jeans that I've had for 1,5 years but never managed to button up (a little vanity is allowed, surely?)!
I did a big chunk of step 4 work with my sponsor on Monday. It was draining to say the least and there's a lot left to do. I can feel slight changes in my behaviour, if not my feelings, even though they seem to have cooled down somewhat too. It's a relief to see that things are starting to happen in that department. There's really nothing like step work to put things in perspective and I realise I've been a self-indulgent little shit with huge amounts of control issues. And I still am.