Post meeting musings

People were very talkative at tonight's meeting so I didn't get a chance to share. So here goes...

The topic was step 11 and one's relation to God or Higher Power. Since I'm nowhere near step 11, I was thinking about how I got into recovery in the first place, and how it was sort of taken out of my own hands. It wasn't a case of summoning enough will power and making a decision to stop drinking. I'd tried that enough times in the past, and it never worked. I'd manage a few days, sometimes a whole week or two, but it was rare and I was so highly strung anything could make me snap. Talk about being a dry drunk. My HP made the decision for me, it made sure I persevered through detox and the first difficult weeks of adjusting. I'm still adjusting but the first few weeks were full of new things, baffling things.. like feelings and emotions and fears. Things I drowned out by drinking before so never really dealt with properly. I find it fascinating, the way it works. If I just make sure I take my own willfulness out of the equations, things seem to sort themselves out in a really nice way. Thy will be done, not mine etc. If I keep an open mind, slow down, don't try to force things, it all goes pretty smoothly. I say this but obviously it's not that easy on a daily basis. I know it works, though, and that's the main thing. The mission now is to practice the principles and the steps and get better at it.

Today I'm grateful for the people who were patient with me and who are still in my life. I love them all.