Sunday, 18 September 2011

Lack of meetings

I haven't been to a meeting since last Sunday. I've been too busy writing essays and now I'm looking after the business while the boss is away on holiday. As I haven't had those all-important reality checks of the Rooms, my confidence has slowly but surely withered and I can feel the stress heavy on my shoulders. I talked to my staff earlier and made sure I can go to a meeting tonight. Hopefully that will recharge my batteries for the rest of the week. While it's been stressful, however, I have been much more able to handle it. Much more so than when I was drinking. I was a nervous wreck and took everything personally. I was constantly in battle, with myself or others. The word serenity didn't even exist in my vocabulary.

I'm grateful that I can get up in the morning and get on with my to-do-list without first panicking, then trying to quench my thirst, then having that first cigarette that again made me anxious and without having to force myself to do things. I've actually enjoyed, in a weird kind of way, cleaning the pub in the morning, listening to Adele on full volume and sipping a cup of tea while planning the day ahead. So it's not that bad, really. I just needed to moan.

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