Monday, 19 September 2011

Revisiting Gratitude

This week is going to be all about remembering gratitude. Boy, is it difficult! I'm in a situation where I live with my ex who has been a pain the last couple of weeks. We have our good moments, but we argue constantly, too often for a "non-couple". We have tried to negotiate this shared space but it's proven to be harder than either of us thought. I've been a pain as well, of course, a fact that I blame on stress and not enough sleep. But if I worked my program and worked on remembering the Serenity Prayer and what it actually means, I wouldn't be so bad. I don't seem to be able to find any me-time, which is kind of expected since I'm running a pub and trying to stay sane. My thoughts are erratic and my actions too. I get very angry and have gravitated towards aggressive behaviour in the last few days. Right now I'm a pretty sick person. However...

I am eternally grateful for not having a desire to drink. Picking up a drink would have been my first "solution" 4 months ago. I'm still very grateful for every hang-over free morning, because no matter how tired or sleep-deprived I am, I can still get on with my day with some degree of clarity and comfort. I'm grateful to myself for having made an appointment with the stop-smoking clinic at my NHS surgery for next week. I figured that if I sought help for drinking and it worked to kick-start my sobriety, maybe talking to counsellors about stopping smoking will have a similar effect. One can only hope, pray and have faith.

Now I'm off to try and get some well-needed sleep. Good night!

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