Thursday, 28 July 2011

A bit stuck

I have a feeling I might not be doing enough step work. I'm concentrating on other areas in my life, which, judging by numerous blogs and shares in the rooms, could be a bad thing. Step work is the foundation of AA and something that is highly recommended. People who don't do the steps have a high relapse rate if I've understood it right. I'm hovering between step 3 and 4 at the moment. I said the step 3 prayer out loud today for the first time, although I've said it in silence many times before. I've written it down on a piece of red paper and stuck in on the wall directly opposite me at my desk. I read it often and it does make sense now. It took a while before I understood the meaning of it. I've got a sheet of paper where I should be writing down name's of people that I hold resentments against but that list is hidden away in my AA note book, and I conveniently keep forgetting to do it. So it looks like I'm putting off doing step 4...

Be that as it may, life is good at the moment. I've managed to get up at 7am this week to either go to they gym or swimming. This morning I went swimming and it was great but a bit crowded. I've spent loads of time browsing in our local wholefood store, which I love doing! I can disappear for hours if I go up town because I can't resist going in there. I most definitely spend too much money in there! Another thing I spend money on is second hand clothing. I cannot walk past a charity shop without just "popping in quickly" as it were. They've taken over from pubs in my head, and I much prefer it this way...

Past issues are creeping up behind me though, I can feel it. So I need to kick myself up the backside and start on my list. Stop being a coward! I need to tell myself I'm strong now, well, much stronger than I was in the depths of my drinking anyway.

Today I'm grateful for: My partner for not giving me any grief and for trying to be a "good boy", the fact that I'm sober, exercise, the balmy weather, the Rooms (going to meeting tonight) and much more besides!


  1. 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

    These are the most important steps you take in AA (my thoughts only). You admit you are powerless, you have a HP, and then you turn it over. Even if it is hard for you to do 2 or 3, 1 is the most important, you admit you have a problem. Please don't stress about about the steps. They are a positive blueprint to help us lead productive lives, but even if you just admit you have a problem your working the steps. some people don't even get past 1, some make it to 3, some don't even care. It is what works for you. Personally when I did my 4th and 5th step I was excited and I search hard and worked with a wonderful sponsor who gently guided me through. I felt so lifted, relaxed and at peace when it was over. sure you have to look at things you have done that you didn't like to admit, but then you can see how you can turn things around, learn from the past and have a beautiful future!! I learned so much about MY patterns and how I may have been a victim by my own doing and behaviors. They thing is when you are ready it will just happen, but don't stress, sometimes you have to live parts of you life in between the the steps, that's LIFE!!! Apply what you have learned in the rooms of AA and your life will continue to grown into what you want it to be. Lots of luck, be gentle and kind to yourself, NO pressure!!!

  2. Any of those substitutes is better than swinging by a pub.

    By the way, notice how pubs stink of vinegar now you've given up alcohol? Must be spilt beer and wine, but when I was drinking it never smelled as bad as it does if I walk past today.

  3. I so agree with the comment above about not pressuring yourself on the steps! Okay, so maybe waiting 2 1/2 years isn't adviseable (yes, I am slow), but honestly - I just wasn't ready to embark on a recovery program until now.

    Back then, when my drinking was impossible to continue and justify any longer, everything in my life changed - my job, hubby's job, we moved, had a new baby. For me, it was enough work to just learn how to NOT drink two bottles of wine nightly and think it was sexy, spiritual, and intellectual (none of the three, as it turns out!).

    But now I am definitely feeling the impact of not having recovery tools and a community of like-minded people to lean on and learn from. Though I have no love for the phrase "dry drunk" that is EXACTLY what I am. Not fun, I tell you. But follow your own pace with the process... we'll all get there eventually. Peace.... Lulu