This evening's meeting was just amazing. It was busy and people were sharing about emotional stuff, more so than I'm used to. I find myself so wrapped up in my own small everyday battles that I fail to see the bigger picture a lot of the time. Tonight I saw glimpses of it and it humbled me greatly. It's truly great how people work through the most horrendous situations and heartaches. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose one's kids, or going through a divorce with someone you've been married to for a long time. I don't have children and I've never been in a relationship for longer than 2,5 years so I have no idea what it's like to lose something that big. At the end I almost felt as if my share tonight was petty and insignificant in the light of what other people were saying, but after the meeting I had a few people coming up to me commenting on what I'd said and I felt better and realised my story of everyday stuff will have meaning for someone. One woman said that she liked hearing me because what I say feels fresh to her as I'm so early in recovery, and it reminds her of the excitement one can feel in the beginning when life starts to become more managable and full of possibilities. That felt really good to hear.
God willing, I will have 7 weeks on tuesday, and I am so grateful for that. I am grateful that I haven't had a drink today and that the rooms are there for someone like me. Life is pretty good at the moment but I have to stay humble and be careful. Nobody stays on a pink cloud forever (if that's where I am now).
I understand what you mean with feeling like your problems are small compared to others in the meetings. Each meeting I go to I plan to open up a bit and share, but when it gets to me, my experience seems so petty compared to others that I just pass.
ReplyDeleteEventually, I'll get there. I'm sure there are others in the room that would appreciate hearing more of my story, but when a guy talks about how he literally rode the railroads for 3 years with nothing but what was on his back, the fact that I would drink myself to sleep on my couch every night tends to lose a little punch.
I really enjoy your blog, by the way. Keep at it!!
Thanks Jon! You'll get there for sure, just open your mouth and see what comes out. Maybe when you've shared about passing out on the sofa, stuff that's buried deeper down might come to the surface... Besides, whatever you say is sure to help someone somewhere. :)
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